Eve and Bob: Date #234
By Eve Sturges
Date #234 I’m A Cold-Hearted Snake
Bob is a high school teacher at an affluent all girl’s high school. He has a nice body underneath his tight red tee shirt. His arms are tattooed with some sort of “Opposites” theme. One arm says “lover,” the other, “hater,” etc, etc. Curly hair, in a Jewish type way. He’s Jewish. He’s an artist too. He had me at “I drive a scooter.”
So we agree to meet for a quick dinner, and I choose a pho joint around the corner from my house. I really need dates to be local; my psychological survival in Los Angeles depends on keeping drive time to a minimum. (It’s not a sex thing. I mean, I enjoy entertaining fantasy, but let’s get real: I’m a chicken, and I hate first-night sex)
So anyway: Noodles, near my house
First problem: he nods his head like a maniac whenever I talk. He’s like a horse. Or a coke head. I think it’s supposed to illustrate attentiveness, but I find myself unable to look at him while it’s happening. So I’m talking, but not looking at him, and he’s nodding furiously, and we’re slurping our noodles. But we get along, we really do.
Then, 45 minutes into the meal, a bomb drops. He knows my ex-boss. “Used to hang out with him.” The cocaine addicted, sexually harassing, verbally abusive restaurant owner? “Now that guy gets a lot of ass.” He says this. I slurp my noodles, silently.
Yeah, they’re friends. Or, well, not exactly friends, but his wife curate’s Bob’s shows. OH, okay. So you do business with him, but you’re not friends? Well, they hang out once or twice a year. Bob insists he doesn’t hang with ex-boss so much, but his friends do. Mostly for the money and drugs. OH, so your friends are real good people, huh Bob? OH, so you’re sort of friends, and you do business with them….”Sorry dude, that’s a deal breaker.”
Yes, I really did say that, to his face, right then and there.
I guess he didn’t believe me because a few days later Bob emailed, asking if we could get drinks soon. I emailed him a nice-as-I-could rejection note, insisting that I had a good time, BUT I honestly couldn’t get over the ex-boss-connection-thing. He sent me this email:
if that is honestly the reason you don’t wanna go out again, i don’t even know what to say besides clearly we shouldn’t. but i find it hard to believe. the last time i even saw xxxxx was june of last year and it was bc i was doing an art show with his wife. he is just someone i know…i understand if you just don’t think we have chemistry- and if so you should just say that. but if xxxxxxx is really something you can’t get past, whatever.
sorry to sound cold but honestly, i’m old enough to be completely straight forward, and that is what i’m thinking.
And all I have to say about it is: Huh.