Eve and Bob: “What Happened Next” or, Text Messages Are the New Post-It”

By Eve Sturges

I would like to begin this post by apologizing to my readers. I have been on a hiatus of grand proportions, the likes of which never before seen, and excuses for which are completely and utterly UNforgivable. Sorrrrrry.

So, let’s get to it, shall we?

No, WAIT: Thank you to all who sent me encouragement and suggestions. Mostly, you all wanted me to send the email, throwing caution to the wind!

What really happened: I did not send the email (See Date #0). Instead, very uninteresting, albeit more technologically advanced, exchanges were had via “instant messenger.” I said I wanted to see him. “I would like to see you again.” He responded, seconds later. “Me too.” And so on, and so forth. Four weeks passed before a face to face meeting actually occurred. We had a very nice time, I did indeed reveal minor vulnerabilities, and I was feeling optimistic. 

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Posted by The Better Blog on 02/15 at 09:50 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #0

By Eve Sturges

Email: More Mature Than Text Messaging

I wrote this today: 

Bob.

I’ll just get to the point.

I haven’t said “I love you” to a man in 5 years.  I want to say it to you.

I’m not sure if you’re good for me, but I think you’re the one for me.

Let me know where to go from here.

-Eve

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Posted by The Better Blog on 10/01 at 10:20 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #9B

By Eve Sturges

Eve and Bob: The Movie (A Production Meeting) Part 2 of 2

Producer: That lunch was great.

Director: I think I have heartburn.

Writer: Whatever happened to that dumb assistant?

Producer: Uh, I sent her to get coffee.

Writer: Excellent. So where were we?

Director: Um, Eve had just left that crazy party with Bob, and they exchanged phone numbers, but he never called.

Producer: I have to say, that doesn’t sound much like a movie. I mean, it’s no romance if he never calls, right?

Writer: Hang in there. So a year and a half goes by. Eve stops working at that restaurant, gets a different job waiting tables closer to her apartment. Maybe we should have a montage, you know? Everyone loves a good montage!  Her hair changes, she has a steady boyfriend for a while, her child is growing up, lots of cute scenes of Eve’s life, hanging out in LA.

Producer: Until…

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Posted by The Better Blog on 09/15 at 08:00 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #9A

By Eve Sturges

Eve and Bob: The Movie (A Production Meeting) Part 1 of 2

Writer: So I’m thinking, we got this girl, right? Her name is Eve.

Director: Who you got lined up?

Writer: Anyone young, whatever, but she’s got to have spunk. You know, like, uh...what’s her name?

Assistant: Meryl Streep?

Writer: No, someone YOUNG.

Director: Kate Hudson?

Writer: Not that pretty.

Director: Katie Holmes?

Assistant: Not that tall.

Producer: Miley Cyrus.

Writer: Not THAT young. Jeezuz. Anyway, moving on.  Okay. So she moves to LA and starts working in a super swanky restaurant. Think like, chandeliers, dim lighting, plastic surgery everywhere. Lots of stars, paparazzi hangin’ around out front.  And there’s this DJ, right?

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Posted by The Better Blog on 08/26 at 10:25 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #XXX

By Eve Sturges

(Author’s note: Let’s get real. I am a single mom! I date, but I don’t date THAT much.  I have begun to interview friends, and collect some incredible stories, which I’ll have to use once in a while.  This is one of them. So, written by me, still, but experienced by someone else. It only seemed fair to disclaim the awesome experience below. Capiche? )

PART 1.

Bob hikes really fast, really good. I mean, he is here for some serious fitness, and I am realizing this is the WORST idea for a date ever.  I start to wonder if he knows CPR. I start to worry that I smell, and then I know I smell, and I start to worry if he knows. I am sweating everywhere, and the tips of my hair are starting to curl against all the product I’ve put in to keep it strait. 

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Posted by The Better Blog on 08/15 at 12:07 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve & Bob: Date #7 b

By Eve Sturges

Excuse My Cynicism

Well, it finally happened.

Wait, let me listen to it again.

(3:45 minutes later) Yes. It’s me. Undeniably.

On my long list of dreams, squished somewhere between becoming a firefighter and kissing James McAvoy, sits some sort of misty fantasy about a hot boy writing songs about me.

Bob is that hot boy. (Surfing 365/year at 5 am does a body good.) Bob is funny (dry humor that makes me hurt inside.) Bob writes excellent songs that he sings with a gravelly voice, and plays on his guitar.  He is sort of the quiet type, but fills the silence with his music, often picking up and playing in sort of random intervals throughout the day and night. 

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Posted by The Better Blog on 07/31 at 09:00 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve & Bob: Date #ABC’s

By Eve Sturges

Conversations About Life and Love with Lily, age 4

Listening to “Drunk” by Rose Polenzani.

Lily: What’s this song about?
Me: Um, well, she’s singing about a boy who hurt her feelings.
Lily: Why?
Me: He lied, and that wasn’t nice.
Lily: Why?
Me: Um, I don’t know.
Lily: Well, maybe he just didn’t want to marry her.

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Posted by The Better Blog on 07/24 at 08:48 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve & Bob: Date #4b

By Eve Sturges

I feel like an orphan in Grand Central Station. That isn’t meant to be a metaphor; I really am in Grand Central Station. And I felt like how an orphan must feel, waiting for those special people to take them home, love them and care for them, feed them. Buy them a puppy.

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Posted by The Better Blog on 07/16 at 08:48 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #5

By Eve Sturges

I am not myself

My house is currently in the utmost state of disaster.

This includes, but is not limited to:

• Laundry, though clean, in 6 piles on the floor: Jeans, mine. Panties, Lily’s. Frilly dresses, Lily’s. Pink things, Lily’s. Kitchen towels, kitchen’s.  Socks with lace, Lily’s.  So typical.
• 1 Selena Tee Shirt. Also clean, and semi folded. But 1 shirt isn’t a pile, is it? (You know, SELENA. Jennifer Lopez? Hellooo)
• 1 vase of lilies, wilted all the way, now sad stalks of greenish brown which reach all the way over the rim of the vase to the counter top.
• Dishes in the sink—dirty. All of them. No, I mean, all the dishes I own.
• 2 (more) piles of clothes on a chair and the couch, costumes from 36 hours of shooting this weekend. They are still on their hangers. Now there is no place to sit
• 1 chocolate soy box drink, ½ full, straw in place. On. The. Floor.  I do not know how old, or for how long it has been there.
• All my purses and hats and belts on the floor at the foot of my bed.
• Bath towels? Every single one (6) on the bathroom floor.
• Bills, piled on desk.
• Other papers of mysterious importance…everywhere.
• 2 children’s’ books on my bedside table: People, by Peter Spier, and Lilly’s Big Day, by Kevin Henkes.
• ALSO on bedside table: 1 of my books (Autobiography of Malcom X by Alex Haley) a dish towel, a ½ full bottle of water, and a photo index card.
• 1 more bottle of water, same bedside table.  It is a large bed side table.
• A sketch pad of Lily’s, 2’ x 3’, face up on my bedroom floor, on which she rendered a representation of me, in blue crayon.
• 3 reusable Trader Joe’s bags, opened and empty, in the middle of the main floor.

I’m no Donna Reed, but my house is never like this. Never ever ever. It’s a long story, mostly uninteresting.

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Posted by The Better Blog on 07/09 at 09:29 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #110

By Eve Sturges

So, red flag #1:  I meet Bob at a club.

I am not the clubbing type, but was visiting friends, who are indeed the clubbing type, and I am dynamic. I can handle it.  Once upon a time, before diapers, responsibility, and age 22, I went to clubs. I totally danced and drank fruity cocktails and threw myself into crowds of sweaty meatheads who tossed me around like a lost sneaker in the dryer. I did. And I met boys and had conversations not unlike this one: 

Douche Bob:  HEYTHISMUSICISISAWESOMEDOYOUCOMEHERE OFTEN????
Me: SEWING MACHINE!
Douche Bob: DOYOUWANTADRINKIAMINAFRATERNITY!!!
Me: BOBBING FOR APPLES!
Douche Bob: IBOUGHTTHISSTRIPEDOXFORDSHIRTINTHEMARINA!!!
Me: I LOVE MANATEES!

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Posted by The Better Blog on 07/02 at 08:31 PM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve & Bob: Date #98

By Eve Sturges

Hey! Street Corner Bob!

I meet Bob on the street corner. Not THAT street corner, assholes. A Silver Lake street corner. And actually, I already knew him, but I couldn’t remember his name. And I wasn’t looking for him, it was an accident.

Bob is an actor and was just performing with a friend of mine. So when I saw him on the corner, instead of yelling “BOB!” I yelled “HEY! NAME OF THE PLAY!!!” He turns around. He’s just hanging out, handing out free tickets, doing some PR for the show. (P.S. Great Show. If you know me, and live in Los Angeles, email me and I’ll tell you all about it, and may even be willing to see it again.)

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Posted by The Better Blog on 06/24 at 09:00 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob: Date #234

By Eve Sturges

Date #234 I’m A Cold-Hearted Snake

Bob is a high school teacher at an affluent all girl’s high school.  He has a nice body underneath his tight red tee shirt.  His arms are tattooed with some sort of “Opposites” theme. One arm says “lover,” the other, “hater,” etc, etc.  Curly hair, in a Jewish type way. He’s Jewish. He’s an artist too.  He had me at “I drive a scooter.”

So we agree to meet for a quick dinner, and I choose a pho joint around the corner from my house.  I really need dates to be local; my psychological survival in Los Angeles depends on keeping drive time to a minimum. (It’s not a sex thing.  I mean, I enjoy entertaining fantasy, but let’s get real: I’m a chicken, and I hate first-night sex)

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Posted by The Better Blog on 06/11 at 12:44 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •

Eve and Bob

By Eve Sturges

A List:

1.  You Do Not Talk About Mom’s Club.

2.  You DO NOT Talk about Mom’s Club.

OH. Sorry. That is for something else, unrelated to this blog. Disregard rules 1 and 2.

3.  All men, boys, and guys with whom I go on a date will from now on be named Bob. If his name really is Bob, he will still be Bob. I originally was going to use John. I—innocent as I am—was thinking it was a reference to “Dear John” letters…. But everyone else thought I was referring to men who pay for hookers. I have yet to receive any financial compensation for time spent with a man. So: Men=Bob. Mmkay?

4.  I will number all dates arbitrarily, and in no particular order. This is to further protect…Bob. And myself, really.

5.  I imagine that rules 3 and 4 will confuse the fuck out of everyone, including myself. I am so subversive and rebellious, bucking the system! (Insert maniacal laughter.)

6.  If you are one of my Bobs, I suggest you read no further. This blog is a writing exercise for myself, for the enjoyment of others, at the exploitation of you. Go read something else. For G_d’s sake, GO READ SOMETHING ELSE.

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Posted by The Better Blog on 06/07 at 12:12 AM
Filed under: Eve Sturges • Non-Fiction •